All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
