I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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