: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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