She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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