this beer tastes like vomit already
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
