non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No subtext here. People are naked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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