she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
