I wanna bring you to show and tell
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
false alarm, still single
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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