if you like me you must not know who I am
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
