yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
