Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
