Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
