no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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