a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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