Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
