Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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