drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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