I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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