Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
