When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
