farters have to be the big spoon...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
