Tell her she can't have a vagina
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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