I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
