Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
