Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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