I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
