I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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