Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
