thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize