He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
