Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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