Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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