I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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