Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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