I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
