you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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