does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
