yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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