i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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