So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
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my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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