Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made out with two different species that night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
