I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
