Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
