I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
