You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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