How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
