She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
