Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
