Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
