a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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