She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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