Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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