I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
