You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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