wrigley field is MILF paradise
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
