i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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