The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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