a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
